Lyzzy Burns, what are you doing?!
Lyzzy, you may be asking yourself, what in the fuck are you doing?
Well, non existent reader asking, that’s a good question!
I’m writing sweet and spicy short short stories with a leftist bent. You know that “This is the future the Left wants” meme? Like that but funny and horny.
But why?! You ask in horror either because you’re not a dirtbag like I am, or because you are and you think energy should be spent on Serious Revolution only. I’m gonna try and answer that real fast.
First: What’s a Lyzzy Burns (probably)
Eh, I mean who is anyone, right? But let’s go with I’m that thirty something Old Millennial who traded financial security for avocado toast one time. I’m old enough to Ask to See Your Manager but too poor to pull it off. I’m a wife with a beautiful lady wife. I’m a hot bi who’s not looking, thanks. I’m a cis-n-white woman, so yes, I am sorry about all that. *gestures around.* I am EXTREMELY uneducated in an academic sense and doing my best with the brain meat I’ve been given. I can use words like praxis and materialistic* but hate seeing jargon used to keep people out. I learn my listening and talking and explaining back what I’ve picked up. I’m spooky and witchy and horny on main.
*I actually only learned that word like, two weeks ago even if the idea is not a new one to me.
I know, you’re still screaming ‘why’ at your computer screen. Shut it. Naughty readers get nothing.
The world sucks, everything seems to be circling the drain, and the bad guys (read: fascists) are fucking winning everywhere. But are they really winning or are you just real tired of sleeping without dreams? We’re all of us, fighting for this better world while being told it’s impossible. Inconceivable. Bullshit. I’m not here for a dire, joyless, endless fight. We should be singing and dancing and fucking if that’s your thing.
Like my friend Emma once told me at a dance-hall after we made out at the bar*
*That never actually happened. Here’s Comrade Goldman’s actual story.
Anyhoo, that’s me left-facing justifying my existence which is a hell of a thing. Just a couple more things.
Listen, intersectionality is necessary for true revolution. Class and race and gender and sexuality and disability are all super important. I can only cover so many colors of the rainbow without telling fantasies I don’t really understand. Own-voice stories matter. Go find them. If you are a creator in a spectrum of the rainbow I’m not, and you’re writing anything like my stuff, please reach out and I’ll tell people all about you!
Yes, some comrades do not do the sex thing. I am here for that. I have stories in the queue that cover other expressions of intimacy. I got you!
Zounds, I’m writing sex and love and wet wet stuff. No, I will not be your Mommy. No I won’t sit on your face. No I won’t domme you. No I do not want you to dom me. I’m happily married and quite satisfied. If you assume because of what I’m writing you can slide into my DMs or whatever and be a perv, fuck off, comrade or no. I will put creeps on blast, you have been warned. If you send me a dick pic I will repost it to suit my own sense of humor. Good? Good.
Zoink! I’m human. I will fuck up. I’ve got a ton to learn just like everyone else. I may change my mind, I may change my approach. I’m keeping my mind open to all kinds of ideas. Unless you’re a fash. If you’re a fash fuck right the fuck off.
Yes I’m publishing on Amazon. Yes they are literally worse than the devil. I know. We can talk about that all later, promise. Everyone says you can’t use the Vampire’s tools to burn down his castle, but like, yeah you can actually? Better yet, ignore that Amazon exists and find me in Itch. It’s better over there anywhere.
Okay! Still here? Good! If my stories sound great or at least weird enough to check out, catch me on Twitter or my Newsletter so you can get this shit right to your email box! If my stories sound like the worst idea you’ve ever heard of, cool, I understand. But you should tell like, dunno, twenty of your friends on social media how offensive this sounds to you! Buy a copy of some stuff so you can be just outright horrified! Give me a one star review so other people know what a degenerate I can! Hell, buy copies for your friends so you can all be horrified together!
Talk to you soon,
XXOOO,
Lyzzy Burns
